Grown-up Me

When I was a kid, I thought that when I became an adult, I would feel different somehow - more grown-up, more together. However, I don't feel any different - I feel the same. I feel the same as that selfish kid who feels that the world revolves around me. Often I feel the same as my adolescent self, who is confused about what I want and is often controlled by emotions. Other times I feel the same as I did when I was 21 and 22 -- just starting out in a career and unsure of what I want to do and where I want to go. Maybe Sandra Cisneros had it right in her short story "Eleven":

Because the way you grow old is kind of like an onion or like the rings inside a tree trunk or like my little wooden dolls that fit one inside the other, each year inside the next one.

I guess I have more experience, but I'm still the same person. When you are a kid, you look at adults as if they are a different species altogether. And I guess many adults look at teenagers as a different species. Maybe it's just me. . . maybe somewhere along the way I was supposed to "grow up" and didn't. (No short jokes, please!)

I don't know - maybe I'm just figuring out that I'll just always be me.


Katherine said…
I love that story and passage!

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